Zoe Coetzee, 04.12.2016

A Jewish Date: insight into the heart

When it comes to dating, values and beliefs are an important part of what you find attractive in a partner. To create a life together, shared vision and understanding are fundamental building blocks in successful relationships. In Jewish dating, this is particularly important as mutual principles and way of life form a core part of attraction and the foundation of a relationship between partners.

In today’s secular world there are particular challenges to meeting someone of the same faith and background. With EliteSingles’ large network of Jewish singles, we take a look at some of the important factors in Jewish dating, whether dating a Jewish girl or guy.

On a Jewish date: the real deal

From the outset, dating with a Jewish background characteristically has a certain set of priorities. Singles going on a Jewish date value making a lasting bond and are looking for a long-term relationship. The aim is to find a relationship which leads to marriage, rather than only a fleeting connection.

Understanding one another’s families and backgrounds play an important role too. Sometimes this can cause additional pressure when going on a Jewish date as there can be several additional considerations at play. Thoughts like ‘will my family be happy?’, ‘does the rabbi approve?’, and ‘is this the person I will marry?’ can swirl around in your head.  It is an added responsibility to carry at the first meeting, but at the same time there is a sense of security knowing that both of you are interested and serious about dating. 

Jewish date: rules and guidelines

If you want to meet your soul mate, you first have to be willing to meet your own soul”, Rae Shagalov

Although much of your insight into Jewish dating norms comes from your own experience in the Jewish culture and traditions, having a look at some of the guidelines can be a helpful refresher.

  • Be Authentic – by being true to yourself, you can establish each other’s compatibility in an uncomplicated and straightforward manner.
  • Physical contact is not as important as emotional connection – in Jewish dating there is a greater focus on relating on an emotional, intellectual and philosophical level rather than on physical intimacy.
  • Purposeful outlook – coming from a similar set of values and beliefs, the goal is to meet a potential life partner, which can be described as ‘marriage material’. With this in mind, Jewish dating takes on a more purposeful and measured approach to the dating scene.
  • Be modest – dressing to impress is a superficial shortcut to admiration. Rather, let your virtues and values shine bright as the true beauty is the one within. 
  • Parental point of view – going on a Jewish date means facing the family forum on your return. Although how you feel about your date experience and your future partner is pivotal, your parents also can share valuable wisdom and insight into your experience and choices.

Dating a Jewish girl:

When getting to know an exciting new partner and going on your first date, it is helpful to understand dating from the different gender biases. When dating a Jewish girl it is invaluable to understand her perspective and what drives her heart’s longing and love.

A Jewish girl is looking for a man who will respect and nurture her, but also someone who is ambitious, driven and smart. Chances are she is better educated than you, so best bring your A game!  Family is very important to her and her mom is one of best friends. Be sure to be family friendly on your date, otherwise your chutzpah might not be so kosher. She has been the apple of her father’s eye her whole life so be prepared to look after her well – a Jewish girl is known for her excellent but expensive taste. Also - she will judge you on your favorite bagel place!

Dating a Jewish man:

It is equally as important for a Jewish lady to take a peek into the Jewish male psyche to prepare for dating a Jewish man. He is also very close to his mother, which can be both a blessing and a bane for a new partner. It is a blessing because she raised him to treat a woman right, admire the feminine virtues and he will be well house trained. However, you will have big shoes to fill as the mother role model can tower high in expectation. From your cooking to your social connections, it will be weighed and measured by the critical eye of his mother dearest. Be prepared and be patient, but once you have proven yourself you will be warmly welcomed.

What he may lack in stature, he makes up for in kindness, and he prides himself on doing good deeds, ingrained in him since his Bar Mitzvah. Traditions and intelligence are important to him, but the real secret of dating a Jewish man - the path to his heart is through is stomach! So one of our favorite Jewish dating tips is ensuring your cooking is a cut above the rest. 

The Jewish date: an overview

A significant feature in the Jewish dating arena is that both individuals usually share strong family values, and once in a relationship are fiercely loyal and committed. This is the ideal spring board for a long and loving relationship. Whether you are dating a Jewish man or preparing to start dating a Jewish girl, the golden rules to remember include:  character is more important than chemistry, pick a partner with a shared vision for your future and family and be honest and open right from the beginning.

Take the pressure off your Jewish date experience and be present in the moment - enjoy the excitement and intrigue and don’t forget to have a great time. You can’t always predict the outcome when it comes to matters of the heart, so while preserving your virtues, go into the experience with an open mind.

Meeting your soul mate is a special time and when it is right, it won’t be long before you are being wished Mazel Tov at your big, joyous Jewish wedding!

Wanting to meet your perfect Jewish partner? Join our select group. 

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