If you’ve been single for a long time, you can start becoming a little paranoid. Is the problem actually me, and not them? Am I just firm in my boundaries and needs, or am I just picky? Are my standards too high? Nobody is perfect, but you don’t want to settle for less than you want or deserve.
Sometimes, it’s difficult to know when you’re in your own head. And often, your friends and family will just tell you what you want to hear! That’s why you need some fresh, outward perspective on your situation.
So if you’ve been worrying that your standards are too high, here are six ways you can be sure they’re not. You just need to find someone to meet you at your level.
Are my standards too high? Here are 6 reasons why they aren’t
1. Your must-have list, or deal breaker list, is actually quite short
If you’ve got a list as long as your arm when it comes to what you want in a partner, then you’re probably being too picky. You’re going to find it challenging to meet people who are attractive, kind, intelligent, taller than you, a great cook, run their own business, love to read and travel, and also enjoy working out.
But if your list of must-haves or deal breakers is pretty short, then chances are you’re not being unreasonable.
2. Your “must haves” are mainly emotional, not physical
A lot of people get hung up on physical appearances. Men tend to be more guilty of this than women, but women do it too.
And I get it. You want to be physically attracted to someone, because that’s really important when it comes to the physical part of your relationship. But the truth is, you will often become more attracted to someone the more you get to know them—because of their emotional qualities.
So if your must-haves are mostly based on emotional qualities instead of physical ones, then I don’t think your standards are too high. But if they’re mostly physical, then you might need to reevaluate what’s important to you. Because looks fade, personality doesn’t.
3. You don’t have a type
When you have a type, you immediately narrow down your options before you’ve even had a chance to explore half of them.
The love of your life might have ginger hair. But if you have a rule that you never date men with ginger hair, then you’ve immediately dismissed someone who you might really like.
So if you’re wondering, are my standards too high? Let me ask you—do you have a type? If the answer is no, then no, I don’t think your standards are too high. Because you’re open to all possibilities.
4. You’re not looking for the person you’re going to marry
Are you someone who only dates someone you think you’re going to marry someday? Do you swerve second dates because you can’t instantly see a future with the other person?
Unless you’re looking to get married this week, you don’t need to think about marriage. I understand that thinking about the future is important. But when you’re too focused on the future, it removes you from the beauty of the now; of what’s right in front of you at this moment.
If you’re not looking for the person you’re going to marry, and you’re just looking for someone who makes you happy right now, then your expectations are right where they need to be.
5. You go on a second date with someone, even if there wasn’t an initial “spark.”
If you don’t feel that instant chemistry or spark when you meet someone, do you immediately discount them? If the answer is yes, then you might not be giving people enough of a chance.
Sometimes, that spark takes time to develop. You only have to look at all the people who have been friends first, and then transitioned that into a romantic relationship.
So if you’re someone who goes on a second date when you’re unsure after the first one, then good for you.
6. You’ve been happy in past relationships
A great way of answering the question “are my standards too high” is to look back at your relationship history. Have you been in happy, healthy relationships in the past, where you felt like you were enough for one another?
Or are you someone who has never been in a relationship before, despite wanting one? Or have you always found a fault or flaw in your partner, and found that no one has ever seemed to measure up to your expectations?
If it’s the latter, then your standards might be too high. But if you’ve found happiness in previous relationships, then it may just be you haven’t found your person yet!
Standards are obviously a very personal thing, but if you follow the six points we’ve addressed you might be able to see where you’re hitting the right mark!