9 Unique Questions to Ask a Girl Online Before You Meet

couple at a restaurant

The hardest part of online dating is often getting past the “online” to the actual “dating” part. While it can be difficult to assess compatibility before you’ve met someone in person, your initial interactions can still be plenty useful.

Pick-up lines can be a great (and humorous!) way to break the ice, but you don’t want to waste all of your online conversations on superficial pleasantries. Take the opportunity not only to begin winning her over but to learn some valuable information about her as well. Don’t know where to start? Try out some of these deep questions to ask a girl, and get ready to take your dating to the next level.

1. What Are You Most Looking Forward to Over the Next Month?

Asking about the future allows you to hear what she has on her horizon and learn what gets her excited. It also helps to facilitate future conversations because you can always ask how preparations for that family reunion are going, or how her road trip went. It gives her the chance to talk about something important to her, and it gives you the opportunity to shine later by showing you were paying attention and that you care enough to check up on something that matters to her.

2. Are You an Early Bird or a Night Owl?

This is one of the best questions to ask a girl because its either/or nature makes it an easy one to answer, but it also conveys important information in determining whether your lifestyles are likely to align. It will also help you understand when she is likely to be at her best, so you can know that her after-dinner yawning might not be about you at all, but simply the result of an impending bedtime. You can even switch it up by framing the question in terms of specific date ideas, e.g. Coffee at sunrise or late-night live music?

3. What Is the Best Life Advice You’ve Ever Received?

One of our favorite deep questions to ask a girl, this one is likely to illuminate some of her philosophy on life, whether it’s in regard to taking risks, communicating, or learning from mistakes. You may also get the chance to hear about someone important to her, which can give you a deeper understanding of her values and of the kinds of relationships she has built that matter most to her. Who knows, you might even get a piece of advice that will help you in your own life.

4. What Are the Three Most Important Qualities to You in a Partner?

Asking for her top three qualities saves her from having to pick just one and gives you a broader sense of what she’s looking for. It also gets past the more tangential questions and allows you both to be explicit about what you want — after all, finding a partner is what you’re here for! While some qualities are important across the board, priorities vary from person to person and may change across regions as well.

5. What Is One Goal You Want to Achieve by the End of the Year?

You are both driven individuals, so why not ask about a specific ambition she has? This is another question that allows the two of you to look forward together, and you’ll gain a better understanding of how she chooses to challenge herself, whether that’s with a professional goal like a promotion, or a personal one like running her first marathon.

6. What Is One Thing on Which You Won’t Compromise in a Relationship?

While it’s tempting to avoid talk of deal-breakers altogether, nobody is better off for discovering six months into a relationship that one partner is dead-set on having five children, while the other is unwilling to support so much as a succulent plant. Do yourselves both a favor by communicating upfront on those items that matter most to you, whatever they are — whether it’s related to a future family, where to live, spiritual practices, household habits, finances, or anything else.

Read More: Learn easy ways to improve communication in a relationship

7. What’s Your Favorite Part of Your Job?

Another good question to ask a girl, this one allows you to hear about her professional life and how she spends her days. You’ll likely also get to hear about some of her strengths and what motivates her, which are great things to know about a future partner. While we may all have things that frustrate us at our nine-to-five, focusing on the positives will help keep the mood of your conversation upbeat and will likely also reveal more of her unique attributes.

8. What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned from Your Past Relationships?

While some people shy away from talking about previous relationships, it’s a sign of maturity to be able to address those experiences calmly. A lot can be learned from being honest with yourself and any potential partner about what has worked for you in the past and what hasn’t. This question may also illuminate her level of self-awareness and what her relationship expectations are. While ranting about an ex can be easy — and, let’s admit it, a little bit fun — someone who can only bash others without acknowledging her own role in a failed relationship might not be ready for something more serious.

9. More Specific Questions to Ask a Girl

There are an endless number of universal questions to ask a girl online, but often the best ones arise from something specific to her. Show that you’ve looked past her photo by asking about a hobby she’s listed on her EliteSingles profile, or anything else unique that you’ve noticed about her. If she has talked about traveling, ask about one of her favorite places she’s been. If she mentions reading, ask for a book recommendation and then read it.

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