Dan Hackett, 12.01.2017

Going the Distance: Must-Know Advice for Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships have existed for as long as soldiers have been marching off to fight needless wars in foreign lands, which is to say: always. However, until very recently, long distance relationships were less of a lifestyle choice, and more of a vague promise to not birth a child with anyone else until both parties could be tearfully reunited on an appropriate train platform/dock/smoking battleground. However, in today’s brave new world of Skype and Skyscanner, have we finally overcome the tribulations of our loved ones swanning off into the sunset?

Even the most romantically minded of us will acquiesce that love isn’t the only ingredient necessary when seasoning a relationship stew. Proximity, of course, plays rather a large role. If Romeo had left fair Verona and hopped aboard the next ship bound for Shanghai in the middle of his courtship with Juliet, it’s safe to assume their relationship wouldn’t have lasted very long. Not that it lasted long anyway. But that’s not the point.

The point is, long distance love is incredibly common in this day and age, and we are in a better position that anybody ever in the history of everything to make the most out of it. And lo, EliteSingles have thwacked it out of the park once again, with the following golden snippets of fantastic long distance relationship advice.

Six Gleaming Gems of Long Distance Relationship Advice

  1. Embrace the majesty of video messaging

It may be uncomfortable to begin with, chatting away earnestly to an LED screen with a grainy approximation of your loved one’s mug, but rest assured, soon enough the uncanniness will fade and you’ll be holidaying together on the sunny beaches of cyberspace. At the start of a long distance relationship, you may find that you simply want to giddily tell each other about the day’s adventures, or how much you miss one another. However, as the relationship progresses, you’ll discover that you don’t even need to talk while you’re video chatting – sometimes it can be perfectly lovely to leave the camera on while you both do your own thing.

Sit together in comfortable silence, do the washing up, and lounge around in your pants – just like any other couple! It may sound silly, but it’s these little touches of casual, bland reality that can keep your long distance relationship from feeling too forced.

  1. Keep the loving coming

With the above paragraph in mind, it is important to also set aside times when you can do something a little bit special. Whether you are video chatting during it or not, something as simple as watching a film, reading a book, or cooking together can work wonders for making you feel closer. If your loved one is far away, something as simple as simultaneously cooking the same meal and chatting throughout can make you feel infinitely closer.

The two of you may be far apart, but that’s no excuse to let the romance run dry; an obstacle in the way of your love is nothing but a chance for ingenuity. Take trips to the cinema to see the same film so you can discuss it after, write poems or little diaries for one another, eat dinner together, get drunk together – in reality, the only thing you lack is physical contact. Yes, this is far less than ideal, but it’s far, far more than any long distance couples from yesteryear ever got. You can even sleep together for comfort – nod off on Skype together, and let their vacant, lightly drooling features be the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning.

  1. Keep time like a Rolex

Your relationship is already strained by the ocean/desert/arctic tundra keeping you apart, and so it’s important that you don’t add further tension to the relationship through being unreliable. Communicating almost entirely by text and video messaging means that the chances for you to sit down and chat properly may be slim, and so when you plan to spend an evening together, make sure you stick to it – it’s not particularly admirable to allow yourself to be dragged away for a post-work booze-fest if your partner is sat at home watching excitedly waiting for the little ‘offline’ icon next to your screen name to turn green.

The fact that you’re not meeting face to face doesn’t make your plans together any less important. If you love one another, and you want the relationship to last (which, if you love one another, you quite likely do), treat every encounter between you as if it were a face-to-face meeting.

  1. Who uses paper anymore?

Let not your romantic expressions be confined to the digital realm alone! Embrace the Olde Quill and Paper, and pen an ode to your beloved that transcends the great distances betwixt you. You can send surprise gifts, cards, or even order food to their house to surprise them after a long day. Imagine the joy on your loved ones face as they arrive home after a hectic day at work, and before they’ve even sat down, the doorbell rings, and they are presented with a ridiculous 18 inch pizza with the olives meticulously arranged to spell out your undying love.  Just be sure to word the message correctly, so your partner doesn’t think it’s the delivery boy declaring his undying love.

  1. Sext like there’s no tomorrow

No article giving our long distance relationship advice would be complete without a brief foray into the world of sexting, would it? A couple of decades so ago the idea that words ‘sexy’ and ‘texting’ would one day be conjoined, thereby creating a new, perfectly acceptable sexual act, would have baffled tech-heads and normos alike – and yet, here we are; a population swiftly learning to type one-handed.

If you are unfamiliar with the form, some precursory knowledge is perhaps required before leaping into the fray. Consenting participants – let’s call them Sexters - will usually begin with flirtatious chatter, which may then evolve (or devolve, depending on what you’re into) into a frenzy of increasingly lewd messages. For inspiration, head to your local library, borrow a copy of Lady Chatterly’s Lover, and peruse the more well-thumbed passages with a highlighter pen and notepad.

  1. Look to the future

Any relationship can work long distance, but, as discussed throughout this list, there are several requirements to ensure they run as smoothly as possible. Arguably the most important of all is to plan for a future together – one where you are, you know, actually together. Whether it’s a few weeks or a year away, once you have wound up the clock and started that giddy, agonizing, wonderful countdown to your eventual togetherness, the bond between you will grow, as day by day you move one step closer to holding each other once again. And engaging in an unholy amount of really good reunion sex.

With the above long distance relationship advice, you should be well on your way to a happy, functioning love life, despite the miles between you. And if you’re still looking for that special someone - ideally living in the same hemisphere? Join EliteSingles!

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