The Psychology of Rejection: How to move on

Break ups are difficult. EliteSingles Psychologist Salama Marine considers how to get over a broken heart by focusing on the psychology behind rejection. Learn how to move on here.

How to get over a break up

Dealing with a break up is never easy; especially when it wasn’t you who initiated it. They can damage people’s egos, leaving individuals feeling insecure with low self confidence.

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In this modern age, rejection is one of the biggest hurdles for singles to have to overcome. In fact, the ever increasing use of social media networks and dating apps is causing people to feel rejected from a number of different platforms. This is one of the downsides of contemporary life; the fact that everyone is constantly connected and therefore able to see when someone is online and not instantly replying to a message. This makes people feel rejected and ignored. It’s hard in these cases not to take it personally because society is overly aware of what everyone is doing online.

The accumulation of daily rejection from a range of different networks obviously directly impacts on individuals, leaving them feeling sensitive and vulnerable. Whichever form rejection takes, it hurts and can be very difficult to overcome.

How to get over a broken heart

It is interesting to consider how the human brain has developed since the introduction of technology and specifically social networks. In simpler times, humans would live in tribal communities for safety as there was little chance of survival alone in the wild. As a result, our brains have instilled a warning system informing us of the dangers of being rejected by a community. It’s a case of survival and we rely on society for that. This explains why the feeling of rejection is still so prominent in society centuries later.

How to move on

It is really difficult to accept rejection from someone you loved and appreciated. It is, however, important to remember that when a break up takes place – be it romantically, socially or professionally – it is often due to circumstances you can’t change. Sometimes it doesn’t even go that far, it’s just as simple as the other person not feeling the same way. Don’t bother wasting your time and energy questioning why it didn’t work, because ultimately it’s very unlikely that you’ll get the closure you’re looking for. It’s better to just accept it and start to move forward. That's how to move on.

In order to get over a break up, you need to regain confidence and boost your ego. Psychologist Guy Winch advises; ‘Make a list of your positive attributes. By writing them down on paper, you’ll realize all the great qualities you have to offer to another person. This will help you to come to terms with the fact that even if it didn’t work in the past, you have great qualities that will be appreciated by someone else. Many individuals going through a break up think they’re no longer worth anything to anyone. It is therefore essential to realize your value and attributes during the post break up stage’.

Obviously no one enjoys the experience of being rejected, be it by a partner or from society. However, that said, we have all experienced rejection at one point or another and succeeded in overcoming it.  While it may be tempting to continue to chase the person who has rejected you, it is wise to instead turn to those who care about you to help you through the pain. Whoever you turn to, be it family, friends or even colleagues; their support will greatly benefit your acceptance of the situation and help you move on.  This will help you focus on the people who appreciate you for who you are and gradually your self esteem will return. As a result you will once again be open to love again.

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