Charlotte Bridge, 01.19.2016

How to flirt online: Find love through conversation with these tips

Those new to the online dating scene should remember that flirting online is fun! Deep connections are formed through conversation, so learn how to be charismatic and conscientious online with these tips and meet someone special this year!

Flirting; playfully showing someone you are romantically attracted to them, is pretty straightforward face-to-face. Women twirl their hair and giggle like little girls while men broaden their shoulders to emphasize their size - and we all know the intimate effect of some extended eye contact. But how do we go about showing this behind a computer screen?

According to Sean M. Horan Ph.D on PsychologyToday, ’Flirting with people, and being flirted with, can make us feel good about ourselves.’ This applies to both offline and online flirting – it’s an enjoyable experience which will make all involved feel confident and attractive.

Ultimately, finding a meaningful relationship with someone comes from a connection through conversation. You fall in love with someone’s intellect, wit and charm and this can all begin online. Dating expert Kimberly Seltzer suggests singles should 'be playful, engage, look for clues in the profile, subjects you want to talk about or share stories with' to get the conversation started. 

How to flirt online in 5 steps

1) Be yourself

It’s a classic dating rule and for a good reason. If you want to stick to the expert advice and enjoy online flirting, being yourself will boost your self esteem and enable you to enjoy the contact. On your EliteSingles profile, you are asked to describe yourself and what your partner should know about you. This is the first thing potential partners will find out about you so take your time to ensure that it really represents you - be honest.

A good tip to make the conversation feel as natural as possible is if you share a funny anecdote of something that happened to you that day. Keep the conversation playful and light-hearted to avoid the feeling of forced small talk.

2) Ask questions

It may seem obvious but people really do love talking about themselves. A good tip would be to find something that caught your eye in their profile – something that triggered you to message them in the first place, and ask them about that. That way, not only will you provide them with the opportunity to talk about their interests and hobbies but it will also demonstrate that you’ve paid attention to their profile and are genuinely interested in what they have to say.

At EliteSingles to get the conversation started with someone new, you can send them '5 questions' to answer which gives you a sense of their personality and evaluate if they are someone you could potentially be compatible with. It's always a good idea to let your date speak about themselves – there’s nothing better than talking about yourself to someone who is interested and engaging.

3) Use his or her name

It may seem like a small gesture but actually it goes a very long way. Connecting with someone over a computer can be difficult, so its small notions like using your date’s name in a sentence that makes your contact seem more personal and more like the offline experience. There is certainly something more intimate about using someone’s name to enhance your closeness and engagement in the conversation.

4) Pay them a compliment

Let’s be honest – we all love a compliment. It’s the most effective way to make someone feel good about themselves and connect this feeling with you. That said, don’t use a compliment as an opening line – it may make your intentions questionable and you don’t want to give off the wrong impression. Instead, introduce a compliment once you’ve already established a connection with someone. Learning how to flirt online is also about making the other person feel comfortable.

Seltzer advises, ’The more you come from a place of authenticity to start a conversation, the better off you are. That can make the other person feel comfortable as well.’ Pay them an actual compliment – what attracted you to this person? What makes them stand out? Tell them and they’ll know it’s from a genuine place.

5) Be the one to end the conversation

Seltzer suggests when trying to perfect how to flirt online, ‘It’s all about letting the person want to know more of you, but giving them just enough to do that.’ Therefore, be the one to end the conversation and leave the other person wanting more. Mystery is one of the greatest forms of seduction – it leaves your date thinking about you after your conversation, craving more. This builds the excitement and intensifies the flirting!


These tips will help you with your online flirting confidence but ultimately it’s not rocket science. Don’t over think it – just enjoy it! Be honest, open and engaging and you’re sure to impress and hopefully meet someone really great. Then it's time to prepare for that all important first date!

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