Dating and Being Independent: 6 Tips

pretty woman enjoying being independent

How can you find a balance between dating and being independent? Will a man be turned off by your successes and confidence? What will your time spent dating mean for your career?

Juggling dating alongside a full, vibrant life can be tricky, but it isn’t impossible.

The trick is to set boundaries for yourself and your responsibilities. That way you can keep your independence intact, while actively searching for someone else to spend time with. 

Women often struggle with this question because they’re concerned that a male partner will be intimidated by their self-sufficiency. But this narrative is unfair.

Sure, some men are intimidated by strong, self-assured women. But these are not the kind of men that deserve to date an independent woman!

Many men will find your confidence and achievements attractive. You just have to know how to find them! Here are 6 tips to overcome the challenge of dating and being independent.

Our Guide on How to Balance Dating and Being Independent 

Make time for dating

Being independent can make you feel like you’ve little or no time left for dating. But that isn’t necessarily true! 

Nobody is too busy to date. It’s all about your mindset and how you manage your time. Try and approach dating the way you’d approach a task at work or a personal training session, devote yourself to it! 

Set aside time to swipe or message matches online. Look out for potential partners everywhere. Pencil your dates into your calendar and commit to them. 

Arrange for dates that fit in with your schedule, they don’t all have to take up a whole evening or afternoon. Why not get a coffee with your crush before work? Or set up a virtual date so you don’t have to leave your apartment or office? 

Quick and efficient dates like these are a great way of testing the waters with someone without wasting too much time. Better yet? You can probably fit in a few of them a week! 

Schedule quality alone time for yourself

Prioritizing alone time is important for everyone. It’s how we recharge and refill our energy. So don’t forget to schedule it into your timetable when you’re dating.

Alone time gives us a chance to check in with our emotions. When you’re dating, these opportunities are valuable because they allow us to reflect on the people we’ve met. 

Set aside time to think about your date. Did you enjoy your time together? Would you like to go on another date with them? Did you find them attractive?

Taking the time to answer these questions will help determine what connections are worth pursuing so you can manage your time wisely.

Date someone who’s also strong and independent

Dating is easier if you find someone who gets you. So if you’re an independent person, then finding someone who is equally independent is key. 

Searching for someone whose priorities align with yours means you two will be on the same page when it comes to work, values, or commitments. 

For example, they’ll understand if you have a big deadline coming up at work, and have to postpone date night. Having similar mindsets will lead to fewer upsets down the line. 

Let the other person take the reins now and then

Sometimes, it seems like guys have two defaults. Either they feel the need to plan and control everything, or they get lazy and let you do everything. 

Neither is fair when you’re in a relationship. Why? Because in a healthy relationship, decision making and responsibilities are split 50/50. 

Our advice? Communicate with them. Explain how your relationship dynamic is upsetting you and that you’d like to make some changes. 

If you always plan dates and activities, then let the person you’re seeing take the reins, and if it’s the other way around, take control yourself.

Having equal control over your relationship will make you feel part of a team, instead of under someone else’s control. 

Pay your own way

Even though it’s 2020, the belief that men should pay for dates still exists. However, we think it’s best to split costs fairly, particularly when you’re balancing dating with being independent.

Covering the cost of dinner or buying you a gift is one thing, but if they’re taking sole control of your finances, that’s a whole other story. 

Even if you don’t pride yourself on your self-sufficiency, this kind of dynamic rarely leads to a happy long-term relationship. 

So if your partner is always paying your way, tell them you’d like to split costs from now on. Better yet? Pay some things yourself.

Your relationship doesn’t have to become your whole world

Romantic relationships can be wonderful, but they aren’t the be-all and end-all. Your love life doesn’t have to become your entire world, it only has the power you give it!

Balancing dating and being independent can become much easier when you put it into perspective. 

Think of it this way: you’re a successful individual who leads a vibrant and full life. Now, you’re looking for someone to share it with. That’s all!

Sometimes it’s easy to think of finding love as a competition or to prematurely worry about what would happen if we did meet “the one”, but there’s no need to. 

Dating or having an S.O. doesn’t mean you have to unturn your life and priorities. It’s just another wonderful experience to treasure in addition to all the others. 

After all, dating is meant to be fun! So next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath, have a read over our advice, and relax. Who knows, maybe love is just around the corner!

About the author: Shani Jay

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