Dating a busy man can be exciting, but it can also be challenging. Discover how to set fair boundaries with your partner so that you're still a top priority.
As women, we often feel selfish for setting boundaries or asking for our needs to be met. Maybe it’s because we’re worried we’ll rock the boat or be perceived as needy. But if your boyfriend is too busy to spend quality time with you, then it’s important to speak up.
All relationships require time and nourishment to thrive. Without that, they’ll likely fall apart. So it’s important to set boundaries to make sure you’re respecting each other — and yourself.
If you feel your boyfriend is too busy for your relationship, here are our 6 tips on setting some boundaries.
How to Set Boundaries When Your Boyfriend is Too Busy
Think it through first
If you’re feeling like your boyfriend is too busy to give you attention, take a breath and think things through.
Ask yourself some questions: Am I focusing too much on this relationship? What exactly is making him so busy? What changes would I like him to make and if they were implemented, would it be enough?
The truth is, it’s important to have standards and expectations. That doesn’t mean your standards are too high. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about wanting what’s fair.
If after considering these questions you decide that this relationship is worth pursuing, we advise sitting down together and having an open conversation.
Have an open conversation about your relationship
Having real communication in a relationship is key. It creates a safe space for you both to discuss your concerns and expectations. Speaking with each other in this environment also dissolves the narrative that you’re just a nagging girlfriend.
Approach him calmly and explain how you’re feeling. Say that you understand he has other commitments besides you, but that you need to feel like a priority too. How he responds to you opening up should tell you a lot. If he cares for you, he’ll probably respond positively.
By creating this safe space, you two are laying down some great relationship practices. Checking in like this ensures that both parties are invested and willing to put the work in.
And if he isn’t? Then surround yourself with people who do! This will fuel you to become your best self.
Could your boyfriend be a workaholic?
Does your boyfriend always cancel or reschedule plans? Do you constantly feel like you’re forgiving him for being late or being ignored because he takes calls at dinner? If this all rings true, it could be because he is focusing too much on work.
When you’re ambitious, achieving a work-life balance can be tricky. But if he’s decided to commit to you by being in a relationship, then it isn’t fair to keep you waiting all the time.
It’s one thing being understanding, but if this is the norm then something’s not right. Next time you’re checking in with each other, be honest with him about how you feel second place to his work.
Also, make sure to plan some exciting things to do on your own or with your friends. This will remind you of all the wonderful things you’ve got going for you apart from this relationship. It might even show him what he’s missing!
Schedule weekly date nights
Nobody should be too busy to have one date each week. If your boyfriend has a demanding schedule, make plans well in advance and commit to them.
If you put in some effort, date nights can be really special. Whether it’s a trip to the movies or a romantic dinner for two, spending quality time together like this can remind you of what’s so unique about your bond. It will also encourage him to make the extra effort!
The reality is, taking time away from work isn’t just good for your relationship, it’s good for him and his health too. We all need a break from time to time.
Ask him to be fully present with you
That means asking him to switch off his phone and laptop, and to not talk about work. Our work can run our lives if we allow it to, but that’s not what’s best for our mental health.
Next time you’re on a date, ask him to be fully there with you, the same way you are with him.
We all go through busy periods in life. It’s natural! But there’s a difference between having a particularly hectic few months and avoiding your partner.
If you’re in a committed and understanding relationship, then you shouldn’t feel neglected, you should feel appreciated!
Remember, you can only control what you do. If it appears that this romance isn’t offering you the same support that you’re giving it, then maybe it’s time to move forward. Focus on the relationships in your life that fulfill you!