Online Dating First Messages: 4 Rules You Need to Know

Sending the perfect online dating first message can be tricky. You want to show your match you’re interested, but you also want to come across cool, calm and collected. We get it.

While there’s no way to guarantee that every first message will get a response, there are ways improve your communication skills that can up your chances. 

We’ve put together a simple and easy-to-follow guide to help you craft gorgeous online dating first messages that catch your matches’ attention and set the tone for a great conversation.

Our Guide to Crafting Online Dating First Messages 

Keep things P.G.

While some people find overly sexy online dating one-liners flattering, others can find them pretty off-putting or worse, intimidating. 

That’s why when you’re messaging someone for the first time on a dating app, we advise keeping the sexy conversation starters to a minimum. This way you won’t risk making a bad first impression or make your match feel uncomfortable

Instead of jumping into the sensual talk or innuendos from the get-go, shelve it for another time down the line when you know this person better. 

Additionally, if you’re looking for a real connection, we say lay off the sexual language altogether. Flirty opening lines are generally associated with hook-ups so if that’s not what you want, keep things friendly and above-board. 

Don’t get too deep too quickly

While it might feel like a good idea to begin your online dating conversation with a deep, meaningful statement, it might not actually be the best game plan. 

Saying something along the lines of, “Hey, so I want you to know that I really want to get to know you. I’m a nice guy and not just looking for a hook-up” to a match when you’ve never actually met them before might come across too strong. 

While honesty is always the best policy, it’s important not to seem too intense as it may unnerve your matches. So instead of forcing a “nice guy” persona, show a genuine interest in your match.

Prove to them that you’re interested in getting to know them by asking them engaging questions. Ask questions about their interests, their job, their pets, whatever you genuinely want to know about. 

Tailor your questions to your matches

If you matched with 100 people on a dating app, it can be tempting to just send them all the same, standard message and see who replied. However, as online dating first messages go, this isn’t a good idea. 

Boring messages rarely work. They feel impersonal and don’t help to create any form of conversation. 

So instead of sending the same copy and pasting “Hey!” over and over again, we advise tailoring your questions to your matches. 

Even if it means messaging fewer people, crafting genuine, match-specific messages is a better game-plan when it comes to online dating.

Sure, it takes more time, but it’s also more effective. In our opinion, when it comes to first messages, the answer is quality, not quantity. 

Use the rule of three

There’s an easy-to-follow, three-step guide that can make every first message that you send pack a punch. 

First up, introduce yourself and say hello! A simple “Hey there!” suffices just fine. Again, none of the “Hey sexy!” stuff.

The second is to compliment your match on something in their profile. For example, if their profile mentions a love of comics and you’re also a big comic fan, consider that a jumping-off point. 

Compliment them on their comic book taste and tell them how refreshing it is to meet someone who’s interested in the same things.

Now for the last part, ask them another question that’s related to the one you just posed to them. Doing this keeps this conversation flowing nicely and demonstrates that you two have real interests in common. 

So that concludes our advice on online dating first messages! 

Next time you’re mulling over the best way to introduce yourself to a crush online, don’t overthink it. Simply take a deep breath, relax and take a look over this trusty guide.  Good luck! 

Jacqueline Gaultieri

About the author: Jacqueline Gaultieri

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